Let’s Talk Triggers.

As the month was coming to an end, I was really racking my brain on what to base December’s newsletter around. These monthly newsletters are all intuitively led but for this month I was coming up blank. Then an incident happened and after all was said and done Spirit told me what I needed to write about this month. So here we are!

The incident that took place caused a huge unexpected emotional trigger for me. I feel that it’s important for you all to know what happened, the way I was triggered, and the emotions that came through me so that maybe it can bring some deeper understanding for you. My partner and I were running errands and were having a bit of an issue returning some items to a clothing store. We went to one store and they had a limit of items we could return at one time. So we returned what we could and went to another location. My partner waited in line while I went to the restroom. When I returned, he was with the cashier and the return process was happening. When I walked up I asked if everything was okay. This made my partner nervous and he nudged me, gave me a look, and asked me not to say anything because he didn’t want there to be any issues with the return. I apologized and hugged him but my hug was not returned. I want to make it clear that my parter was not being malicious in any way. His intent was not to be rude, mean or make me upset what so ever. And typically something like this would not upset me at all but it triggered me. In the moment, I didn’t even realize I was triggered. So let’s talk about the trigger.

What caused this trigger for me? It was a combination of things. It was the nudge, the look, the being told not to say something, my hug not being returned. What emotions came up? The nudge and look caused me to feel like I was in trouble. Being told not to say something made me feel small and embarrassed. My hug not being returned made me feel rejected. While I was hugging my partner, my body flushed with heat, anger, embarrassment, shame. Then I could feel my eyes swelling up with tears. Then I was confused why I was feeling the way I was. I went through probably 6 or 7 different emotions and was immediately mentally taken back to times when I was with my narcissistic ex just in a 30 second period. I walked out of the store so I could breathe and take a moment to process. I knew I was triggered but I didn’t know why. I was trying to push this all down and not feel it or acknowledge it until I was alone. This is a bad habit/pattern for me so what happened next I am beyond grateful for.

My partner could tell that I wasn’t okay despite my trying to hide it so once we get in the car he apologizes. I start bawling and apologizing for crying because I don’t want to make him feel bad. Another bad habit/pattern, invalidating my own emotions and feelings for the comfort of someone else. He reassures me that I’m allowed to cry. He holds space for me as we talk out what happened. At this point, I am still unsure why I am truly upset. We both take a pause and I’m processing. Once I have processed, identified that I was in fact triggered and what the root of the trigger was my partner asks if we can talk more about what happened. All in perfect timing too. I swear he and I have a beautiful telepathic connection. We talk it out and everything gets resolved. I allow myself to feel how I feel for as long as I need to. I am grateful for this trigger and for my partner for unintentionally triggering me, holding space for me, validating my emotions, and for allowing me to process as I need to. I am also grateful for myself being at a point where I have the tools, innerstanding, and awareness to handle and process something like this in a healthy manner. I haven’t had a huge trigger like that since I have left that very toxic cycle I was in. It really did take me back but I needed it because it showed me where that energy was still living inside of me. It also showed me the way my partner can hold space so beautifully and how easy we can work through things even when on the outside it looks like one of us was the cause.

So now you have my long story as an example, lets dive into triggers, what they are, how to identify them, and how to process them.

Triggers are emotional responses that are sometimes intense and disproportionate to the situation at hand. Triggers are not something to feel bad about or feel ashamed of. Triggers can be beautiful lessons if you allow them to be. They are indicators that a part of you, usually something within the subconscious, feels threatened or hurt. They are clues that help to point to underlying unresolved issues. While you may not be in a certain situation anymore the energy could still be within the body if it was never processed completely. This is why I am so grateful for the trigger above for bringing to the surface what has been hidden for years. It’s important that we allow ourselves to process and release what is no longer serving us so that we can receive and hold higher vibrational frequencies. Holding lower energies in our bodies, even unknowingly or subconsciously, affects us in ways we don’t realize. They will eventually manifest in different ways in our reality. This is not to instill fear but to bring awareness.

Sometimes triggers can cause you to react automatically, without making a conscious choice to. When you start this journey, it will happen and that’s okay. Do not judge yourself or feel shameful because you reacted in any way. Take it for what it is, a chance to learn. When we have been living with our emotions taking the lead for so long it’s not an easy switch. It will take time, patience, commitment, and self-compassion. Remember that nobody is responsible for your triggers but you. A perspective shift I’d like to invite you to consider is that you are not your emotions. You may feel *insert emotion here* but you are not that emotion. Rather than stating “I am *insert emotion here*” try “I am feeling *insert emotion here*” Our words hold more power than we often realize.

To identify a trigger, allow yourself time to take a pause when you feel emotions rising. Rather than reacting, pause. Take a step back and review the situation from an external viewpoint. Lean into the emotion you are feeling. Talk to it. Literally. “Hi anger, I see you, I feel you, I acknowledge you. What is the real reason you are showing up today? What can I do for you? I thank you for this lesson. I no longer need you here. I release you now.” You can do this with any emotion. When you are ready you can go back to the situation more level headed to find to a resolve or even speak your truth.

Another tool you can use to dive deeper into your triggers is to journal them. Is there a common theme? What is causing repeated emotional upheaval? A word? An action? A place? A person? Just like I did above with typing out the situation and how it made me feel, do the same for your own experiences. This can help you process on a deeper level. Especially if you have endured any kind of trauma, it can be hard to identify the root of a trigger just by pausing in the moment. Our minds like to block out certain memories so getting it out on paper or audio recording helps.

Again, this will take time. It is not an overnight change. However, the more you are committed to this work the more your life will change for the better. I am always available to help you work through what you need with any one of my services.

Thank you for reading and receiving. I’d love to hear if this post has helped you in any way. I love you. Thank you for being here.